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10 Ways to Start Loving Yourself the Way You Deserve to be Loved.

Updated: May 30, 2020

1. Watch Your Thought Life.

Realize that thoughts are just thoughts until you allow them to become seeds that germinate and produce. Guard your mental space. Let negative thoughts pass and invite positive thoughts to be planted in good ground so they can produce good in your life. In the world today, many understand the power of the mind and the power of mindset. Various psychological therapeutic practices such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. These evidenced based behavioral treatment have research behind them that prove their effectiveness. In both practices, there is a heavy emphasis on the mind and therapeutic techniques are geared to acknowledging, addressing, appreciating or challenging and testing one’s thoughts. In my therapeutic practice, I rely heavily on CBT because it really does work! Furthermore, as a Christian therapist, I have found Scripture that affirms for me the validity of the practice because at the core, the concepts are spiritual. This verse sums it all up for me: “Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.” Philippians 4:8. Scripture encourages us to think on the positive and we can infer from this Scripture that we shouldn’t meditate on the negative. Your thought life matters.

2. Watch Your Surroundings and Your Circle.

Have you ever taken time to evaluate your circle? Your friends? Your family members? Your acquaintances? What are they like? How do they treat you? Are they primarily givers or takers in the relationship? Do they check for you? Do they have your back? Do they support you? Do they have self-confidence and pursue their goals and dreams? Check your circle!

When we pause to reevaluate our circle, sometimes we will find that there are adjustments that need to be made. Sometimes, in our circle we find relationships that take more than they give, drain us and in some cases they are outright toxic. Sometimes we find that we are surrounded by people who think negatively and don’t have a growth mindset. Does this mean that they are terrible people?? Absolutely not! However, it does mean that they won’t be able to give you what they themselves don’t have. I would encourage you to evaluate your surroundings and if you find that you lack support, take the necessary steps to make adjustments to help ensure that you have the social support that you need.

3. Learn to Appreciate Pain.

Pain in our bodies has a purpose! It alerts us to the fact that something is off, something is wrong and usually moves us to action to relieve or reduce the pain. Without pain or pain receptors, we would certainly seriously injure ourselves without even knowing it. Pain serves a purpose in the body. Likewise, in our lives there is also purpose to pain. When we can learn to look for the lesson, we can develop a true appreciation for pain in life. Think about it, sometimes our most painful experiences