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The Day After Mother's Day

May 10, 2016

 

This Mother's Day, I got to spend time with all 4 of my babies!  Most of you know that we have a blended family--and I have the privilege and honor of mothering children who are mine through love whether birthed by me or by someone else.  It's something that I don't take lightly.  This Mother's Day--I was grateful to share the day with the boys and I appreciate the opportunity extended to me to do so.  Yet, I was sad to see them leave.  Does that mean I am ungrateful for the time spent?  No!  I'm grateful--and I don't want to come across as selfish but the blended life is complicated.  Blended families can be hard because while you know in your head that you have to share the children--the message somehow gets lost in transit to  your heart--leading to what I call "perpetual heartbreak."  

 

This post is dedicated to all families who are in some way/shape/form "Blended"

 

 

Blended: Perpetual Heartbreak

 

 

 

Sometimes, that’s what being a stepmother feels like…you are in a state of perpetual heartbreak.  Now this only happens when you open your heart and let your guard down enough to love another woman’s children.  Not everyone is built for the job!  What comes along with it is a pain that never goes away.  Your heart aches for something that isn’t lawfully yours, something that doesn’t truly belong to you.  Your heart breaks every time they leave your home for weeks at a time.  Every other Sunday means heartbreak and the days in between are full of heartache.  Yet, in their presence, you keep a smile on your face.  When you hear them call you Mommy-you fight back the tears.  And most of all…one week before the summer ends, you get up before them to release your silent tears—everyday.  And after they are fast asleep at night-you cry yourself to sleep—heartbroken.

 

 

It's May and Summer is coming...but sadly I'm already thinking about August.  The fact is--I never want the summer to end.  During the summer months when all 4 of our children are running through the house playing, fighting, laughing and driving us crazy—LIFE FEELS NORMAL.  It feels “right”…it feels like the way life should be!   Then summer ends…and we have to find another normal until next time.  It’s hard…  It’s emotionally draining and exhausting…  But today I pause, take a deep breath and remind myself that I serve a gracious and faithful God who is and will be my strength in weakness.  I’m in love with those little boys and the older they get and the more their personalities blossom I see what beautiful and cool little people they are becoming.  I want to experience it every day; I want to experience them everyday.  I don’t want to be limited to every other weekend visits (which seem like robbery for Pastors whose workweek kicks into over drive every weekend.  The weekends are the busiest days of the week for us-- We don’t get to enjoy our children like we want to during the school year.  So how do you find balance…called to Pastor, yet called to this blended family situation.  It’s hard…

 

I remember the end of last August...Seeing my oldest boy weep and cry out that he doesn’t want to leave, he wants to stay forever—heartbreak.  I remember seeing my daughter break down and lose it in church that day once she realized summer is over…and her brothers have to go—heartbreak.  Knowing that my baby boy will wake up EVERY morning looking for his brothers and ask me “is Daddy picking up my brothers today? I miss them Mommy” -- heartbreak.  Having to explain to my youngest the dynamics of our family is difficult because to them, it just isn’t fair.  

 

So here I am the Day after Mother's day...longing for June while dreading the end of August all at the same time...these are the untold stories of a stepmom.  #stepmomdiaries #Blended #stepmommyissues #motherof4 

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