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April Betner Ministries
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I'm Sorry: You Are Not My Type

January 21, 2016



"I'm Sorry You're not my type." 


This has got to be one of my biggest pet peeves when it comes to my single brothers and sisters.  I believe it is one of the things that holds us back from experiencing love and life in its fullness!  We limit ourselves by not being open to what THE LORD may have in store for us.  I know, I know...you might be thinking...sure, it's easy for you to talk--YOU'RE MARRIED!  Well...guess what honey...I wasn't born MARRIED! (LOL)  I remember the single life--I remember my lists (yes I said Lists) of standards and qualifications...of wants, likes and dislikes.  I remember my non-negotiables...I remember it all too well.  With that said--I'm telling you what I KNOW...through personal experience.  SINGLES!! Please hear me out...just indulge me for a minute.  Oh, and married folk--feel free to chime in and let me know what you think!  Aight???  Here we go!



We choose a mate or partner based on who we are today and maybe even who we think or hope to be tomorrow. We choose based on our type, on what's attractive to us today or worse—we set our sights based on what SOCIETY deems attractive or beautiful or sexy! What we fail to realize is that our vantage point is TERRIBLY LIMITED! We should yield to the Lord and not get stuck on our own perception of what we want because honestly-God alone knows what we need (today and what we will need tomorrow).  We, in our limited vantage point can only choose based on what we like today, what we can see today, who we are today, and maybe who we hope or imagine we will be tomorrow. However, the Almighty, omnipotent, omnipresent, omniscient GOD who sits both inside and outside of time chooses a mate based on our future!  He doesn't choose based on where we are alone but on where we are going and who is the best fit for us along the journey.  


Many  believers trust God with various compartments of their lives...but in the area of love, dating and relationships--we tend to hold onto the reigns tightly.  It's almost like--we feel like we know better than God.  What's that about?  Trusting God with your lovelife isn't just a cliche...it's a real thing and in it there is liberty and freedom as you open yourself up to choose HIS best for you.  What does that mean?  Well it may mean being willing to adjust your list of standards...


Take me for an example,  I swore I would never date a man with children.  Why?  Because I didn't have any and I didn't want to have a family from jump--real rap!  I wanted the opportunity to build a family with my husband.  For THAT reason--when my husband tried to holla at me some 8 years ago...I was like nah, yo.  Why? Because he had two children!  That was on my list of non-negotiables (real rap).  However, I had a real relationship with the Lord and it was through that relationship that the Lord showed me who my husband was!  He showed me that my list didn't matter.  I married the man who FAR exceeded my wildest dreams and expectations!  Now, I won't sit here and front with yall like having a blended family is a bed of roses (without the thorns), the devil is a liar.  It has its challenges.  However, I trusted God to write my love story and every day HE blows my mind with the beauty of marriage, the selfless love my husband wraps me in daily and the grace given to live this blended family life that we have been gifted with! God's grace is indeed sufficient!  


So singles, will you trust God or will you trust your simple self with your limited perspective, poor vantage point and short-sighted vision?  I am sssoooooooo glad that I went with God. Over the years, My husband and I have changed...together and like fine wine our relationship has gotten sweeter, richer and better with time. I was madly in love with him 7 years ago and as the years have gone on my love for him has deepened beyond what I could have ever imagined, hoped for or thought possible.  I look at some of my exes today and I am eternally grateful to God for not allowing me to get stuck there-to make forever decisions and commitments with temporary/seasonal people. God knew my forever and trusting Him with my forever is the best thing I could have ever done!  



We say we trust Him, but do we really??? We won't trust him with our hearts; we don't trust Him enough to yield our attractions and tastes to Him. Have we forgotten that we were born in sin and shaped in iniquity? Are we so pious to think that our taste, affections and attractions are somehow infallible, untouchable or divine? Every part of you should be subject to the redemption of Christ, every facet of your being-you ought to yield to Him and to His process of sanctification and conversion. Give Him your LIFE-not in compartments but in totality! Trust HIM! Seek HIM!  


"Trust in the Lord with all your heart;

    do not depend on your own understanding.

6 Seek his will in all you do,

    and he will show you which path to take. Prov 3:5-6 NLT




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